Should I Become A Stay-at-Home Mom? (+ quiz included)

The decision to become a stay-at-home mom can be a terrifying one. If this is something you’re thinking about doing, then I bet you’re scared right now. You have a lot of unanswered questions and so much uncertainty.

The fact that you’re reading this post makes me know that you’ll make the right choice. You’re doing your research to make sure being a SAHM is the right decision for you and your family.

In this article, I will talk about some key questions you should be asking yourself in other to make the best decision on whether or not to become a stay-at-home mom.

let’s dive in and look at some key questions you should be asking yourself.

You may also like: 11 Ways To Prepare For Homemaking (+ list of homemaking duties)

Take the quiz (should I be a SAHM?)

1. Will my family be able to live on just one income as a stay-at-home mom?

This is one of the biggest worries of those considering becoming a SAHM. How do you go from a two-income family to one income? 

The truth is, anything is possible. Everyone in the family will have to adjust to a new lifestyle of saving and budgeting. 

My husband and I had to redo our household budget when I stopped working. We cut out all our unnecessary expenses and stuck only to the things that we needed to survive.

We no longer went out to eat every week. We cooked all our meals at home. When we shop at the supermarket, we make sure to buy only the things on sale.

You may also like: How Can A Homemaker Stretch The Family Food Budget? (11 easy ways)

There were days when I didn’t want to eat pork, but I bought it anyway because it was the only meat on sale. 

Depending on your new household income, you may qualify for some government benefits such as food stamps, which provide you with baby formula and baby food. You may also qualify for Medicaid which will give your family health insurance.

If you and your spouse create a steady plan and stick to it, then you will be able to survive on one income.

To get some ideas on how you can make money as a SAHM, check out 12 Best Side Jobs For Stay-at-Home Moms

2. Will I get bored or lonely as a stay-at-home mom?

Before I became a SAHM, I used to wonder if I would get bored being home all day with my kids.  

I’ve been working since I was 18, and I just couldn’t imagine a life that didn’t involve a 9 to 5. Little did I know the amount of work waiting for me on the other side as a SAHM. I think I work more now than I ever did as someone’s employee.

When my kids were newborns, I worked all night breastfeeding them every 2 hours. I survived on 3 to 4 hours of sleep if I was lucky. During the day, breastfeeding continued. 

Besides taking care of a newborn, I also had to cook, and clean as much as I could while my husband was at work.

You may also like: Is homemaking only the job of the wife?

After the newborn stage, comes crawling, pulling up to stand, and walking. This is when the house really gets messy. Your kids will pull everything they can off the shelves. They will open drawers and put whatever they can find in their mouths.

Your days will be filled with monitoring them to keep them safe, making sure they’re fed, playing with them, reading, and doing educational activities.

You can have playdates, go on walks, go to the playground, and do other kids’ activities.

Check out this article on 29 Fun Stay-at-Home Mom Hobby Ideas (money-making hobbies included) to find hobbies you can do to stay busy.

I have been a stay-at-home mom for many years now, and I am never bored. My kids are older now, and I can honestly say I have too much work to do every day. 

So don’t let the fear of boredom stop you from staying at home.

3. Are Stay-at-home moms happier than working moms?

This is not a yes or no question. There are many benefits to being a stay-at-home mom. The most obvious one is that you get to raise your kids without sending them to daycare. There are also benefits to being a working mom. The biggest is that there are two income earners in the family. 

How happy you are as a SAHM depends on many things. If you’re the type of person that wants praise for every little thing you do, then being a stay-at-home mom is not for you. The work we do is often done in isolation. So you won’t be getting many thanks and praises for them.

You have to take pride in your children and your home, knowing that you’re the backbone that makes everything run smoothly.

To be happy as a SAHM, you need to have a “mom tribe”. A group of other mommy friends who can support you in your parenting journey. People who can relate to your life as a SAHM. 

Check out 17 Proven Ways To Make Mom Friends (Loneliness No More) for ideas on making mommy friends today.

If you don’t have a mom tribe, then you will get lonely. There will be no one to talk to about your day-to-day life with kids.

Finding a hobby outside of motherhood will help with your self-identity. It’s very common for us moms to lose ourselves in our kids. Check out 29 Fun Stay-at-Home Mom Hobby Ideas (money-making hobbies included) for hobbies you can start today.

4. Do children with stay-at-home moms do better in school?

Let’s look at some statistics to determine if children with stay-at-home moms do better in school than those with working moms.

A lot of stay-at-home moms decide to home-school their kids. In the case of Home school versus public school kids, research has shown that homeschooled kids tend to score higher on academic tests in all subject areas, compared to public schooled kids. 

What about parents who don’t homeschool their kids?

According to Harvard Business Review, a study done in Norway showed that kids whose mothers stayed at home did significantly better in school than those whose mothers worked. 

This could be because the non-working parent is always available to help the kids with their school work. 

From my personal experience as a former public school teacher, I found that children who had one parent at home did much better in school. 

Those students knew that their parent would check their work when they got home, so they made a special effort in class.

During parent-teacher conference week, the majority of parents that met with me were those who stayed at home. 

I believe it’s because they have the time to check their child’s work, stay in contact with their teacher, and provide their kids with help in areas they struggle with.

5. What are some of the pros and cons of being a stay-at-home mom?

As I mentioned before, staying at home is not all roses and sunshine. It has its advantages and its disadvantages. I asked stay-at-home moms in my private Facebook group what some of the advantages and disadvantages were in their daily life. 46 women responded, and here are some of the things they listed.

Benefits of being a stay-at-home mom

The most important benefit is that you get to raise your kids precisely as you’d like. 

When you give your child to a babysitter, grandparent, or friend to look after them, that person will raise your child the way they want to. 

You won’t get much say in what/how they feed your child, what morals they instill in them, or how they play with your child. 

You won’t even be able to control how much screen time your child receives. You’re completely at the mercy of those you give your child to.

You may tell them your wishes, but there is no guarantee that they will follow them when you’re not there.

Daycare is expensive

I considered putting my son in daycare before ultimately deciding against the idea for many reasons. One of the reasons is that daycare is very expensive in my area. 

I called around to different places, and the cheapest option was $2500 a month. That’s almost my entire monthly salary. 

I would be going to work just to pay other people to raise my child. If I put 2 kids in daycare, then the price would be more than I made a month. It wasn’t worth it to me.

Your energy is focused on your family and household, not outside work

When you’re a working mom, you have to split your time between work responsibilities and household responsibilities. It can be difficult to juggle the two. Some things end up suffering in the process. Hopefully not the children. 

Your employer doesn’t care that you have kids, and your kids don’t fully understand the importance of your job (if they’re younger). You have to make these two entities happy while also maintaining your relationship with your spouse.

This can become overwhelming if you can’t find a way to balance it all.

As a SAHM, you only have to worry about caring for your children, your household, yourself, and your relationship.

You get to witness all the milestones

I consider it a big privilege to be able to witness all the milestones of my children’s lives. I was there when they first rolled over, crawled, walked, said dada and mama, etc. 

Sometimes we forget how short the first few years of a child’s life really are. Before you know it, they’ll be in school and won’t need you as much anymore. As a stay-at-home mom, I get to have a front-row seat to the sweet first years and all the milestones that come with it. For that, I consider myself lucky.

You have time for yourself and your hobbies

When you’re not busy with the kids, you can work on self-care. Self-care can be as simple as painting your nails, napping when the baby naps, watching a favorite show, or taking a long bath when they’re sleeping. 

Busy working moms don’t get the chance to nap during the day or rest when their kids are sleeping.

You can enjoy a lot of outdoor time with the kids

How often do working moms get to take their kids to the park during the day? What time do they have to go on playdates, stroller walks, or mommy and me classes?

Stay-at-home moms get the privilege to enjoy these activities every day. 

You can homeschool your children 

Stay-at-home moms have the time to teach their children the essential skills needed to be ready for school.

You can teach your toddlers reading and writing skills, as well as simple manners they will need to be ready for preschool and beyond. 

If your kids are older, then you can go the homeschool route and get a standardized curriculum to teach them. As stated above, kids who are homeschooled do just as well, if not better than those in traditional public schools.

There’s nowhere your kids would be safer than in your home

I’ve heard lots of horror stories about daycare centers. I’ve heard stories where kids were pitted against each other to fight for the adults’ enjoyment. I’ve heard from some friends who used daycare how their kid’s diapers weren’t actually being changed until the end of the day. 

The daycare staff would write random times on the log of diaper changes, yet the kids kept getting infections and diaper rashes. 

Sometimes children would not be fed on time. When feeding is attempted and the child refuses, there is no attempt to try again.

Last but not least is the fear of abuse on the child. A young child who can’t communicate effectively won’t be able to explain what is being done to them by others. They may not even understand that something is inappropriate or abusive in nature.

Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t put your kids in daycare or leave them with other family members if it’s necessary. Just make sure you do your research to find the best place. Also, make sure you trust the caretakers 100%.

Jobs are temporary but memories are permanent

One mother summed it up perfectly. She said “When I’m gone, any job I had will forget I ever worked there, but my kids will never forget when I wasn’t there.

No one writes your job title on your headstone. They do write loving mother… 

Our lives are short, and our time finite. If given a chance between making memories with my kids or slaving away at a job, I’ll always choose my kids.

Being a SAHM is great for breastfeeding moms

If you are a breastfeeding mom, things become much easier when you can feed your baby whenever you want. You don’t have to worry about “squeezing” in a breastfeeding session at work. You also don’t have to worry about your supply drying up because you can’t keep up with breastfeeding or pumping. 

Other small benefits of being a SAHM

Your day is completely flexible so it’s easy to fit in doctor’s appointments. Your kids will be securely attached to you in their formative years. Secure attachment is important for children to learn, and develop stable mental health as adults.

If you’re practicing a unique parenting style, you have time to work on it with your kids. I’m currently learning all about Montessori and gentle parenting. If I was working, I would get the opportunity to put all I’m learning into practice.

Other people, I give my kids to may not believe in my parenting style. They may end up doing things that go against what I believe.

As a SAHM I don’t have to worry about taking days off when my kids are sick. In some companies, you only get a certain amount of sick days. Anything after that either comes out of your pay or you risk getting fired.

These are just a few positives about staying at home with your kids. I’m sure there are other advantages I haven’t mentioned.

Now let’s look at some disadvantages of being a stay-at-home mom

Disadvantages of being a stay-at-home mom

Loneliness can occur if your day is not planned out

Loneliness happens most often to new SAHMs because they haven’t found a way to organize their days with enough activities yet. I struggled with this my first few months as a SAHM myself.

What I found that helped me was to structure my day better. I planned out what needed to be done within the home in terms of chores and cooking. I also planned out what type of outings the kids and I would go to each day. 

By the time you get chores, outings, educational time, cooking, and naps all done, the day is already over.

In between all I have to do, I try to squeeze in working on my hobby or my online business as well.

Another thing that helps battle loneliness is having a group of mom friends (who may or may not be SAHMs) who you can hang out with. It helps to have people to share your parenting journey with.

You may also like: 29 Fun Stay-at-Home Mom Hobby Ideas (money-making hobbies included)

You have to live on just one income

It can be quite an adjustment to go from two to one income. As I mentioned above, it’s doable if you have a strict budget and stay on it. We’ve been living on one income for a number of years now, and everything is just fine. 

I understand that it might be harder for other couples to do. If you need to, get assistance from your state if you qualify.

There are other ways to get some extra income for your family while staying at home. Check my post on side hustles for SAHM for inspiration and ideas. Also, check out 29 Fun Stay-at-Home Mom Hobby Ideas (money-making hobbies included)

Adult interactions are limited

When you’re home all day with kids, you get starved of adult conservations. One way to overcome this is getting a group of mom friends to hang out with. You can also go out with other friends on the weekends or whenever your spouse is off from work. They can take care of the kids while you have some “me time” with your friends/

What are some of the fears people have about being a Stay-at-Home Mom?

If you’re seriously considering this lifestyle, then I’m sure you have some fears. Below, I’ve listed some of the common worries women have. I’ve also provided helpful solutions.

1. How do stay-at-home moms protect themselves financially?

It can be a scary thing to not be earning money, and solely relying on your spouse’s paycheck. If you are worried about financial abuse in your relationship, then you definitely shouldn’t become a stay-at-home mom.

You should not stay with a man you don’t trust to take care of you. If your spouse is financially, verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive, chances are you’ve already seen the signs by now.

Getting into a situation where you rely on them entirely is not a good idea. You should leave them. No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship.

If your spouse isn’t abusive, but you’re just worried about not earning money, then there are things you can do to earn a side income.

See the article 12 side hustle for SAHMs for more info.

My suggestion is for you to have a combined bank account so that you can both be transparent about how money is spent and how much is put in each month.

I was hesitant at first to combine my bank account with my husband when we first got married. I’ve found over time that it was the best thing we could have done for our finances. 

We keep each other accountable for spending and following our monthly budget. We discuss huge spending before we make them. I never have to worry about financial abuse.

2. Will I regret quitting my job to be a stay-at-home mom?

Whether or not you experience regret about being a stay-at-home mom depends on you. If you’re an extrovert who loves social interactions, you need to find a way to still get that as a SAHM. If not, you won’t feel fulfilled. 

Being around coworkers is one way people get their daily dose of social interactions. 

If your personal identity and self-esteem are tied to your job, then you may not enjoy being a stay-at-home mom. Some people crave the hustle and bustle of working life. 

They strive for validation from their boss. They can’t describe themselves without including their profession as part of their personality. 

If you’re this type of person, you may not enjoy the slower-paced lifestyle of a SAHM.

Last but not least, if you can’t stand the thought of someone else taking care of you financially, then this job may not be for you. As a stay-at-home mom, my duties involve taking care of all aspects of the home while my husband works to make money.

We divide the duties needed to make a family function because it’s easier than both of us trying to do it all.

3. How does a stay-at-home mom still make money?

There are many ways you can make money as a stay-at-home mom. Some include working from home as a customer service representative, selling online, virtual assistant, and gig employee (Uber, Lyft, etc.). To get a complete list of side hustles and work-from-home jobs, check out 12 Best Side Jobs For Stay-at-Home Moms

Some SAHMs choose to babysit other people’s kids, do hair and makeup, party plan, tutor, etc. For a complete list of hobbies that can be turned into a work from home job, check out 29 Fun Stay-at-Home Mom Hobby Ideas (money-making hobbies included)

Still not sure whether you should become a stay-at-home mom? Take the quiz below today!