If you’re looking for marriage advice for stay-at-home moms, then you’ve come to the right place. As someone who’s been married for 3 years, and together with their spouse for 6. I’m always looking for ways for me and my husband to maintain a healthy marriage.
I didn’t want this article to be just me giving you advice, so I set out to interview 20 stay-at-home moms who’ve been married for more than 6 years. I asked them to tell me the secret to their successful marriage.
I wanted to know what advice they would give to a new or struggling stay-at-home mom, to help them maintain a successful marriage.
When I was looking online for some stay-at-home mom marriage advice, all I came across was information about how to divorce your husband as a SAHM. No one was giving advice on how SAHMs could work towards having a happy marriage.
I found that to be so sad. That’s why I decided to write this article to help stay-at-home moms out. I have changed the names of the women I interviewed to protect their privacy.
Let’s Jump right in!
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Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Kristie
I don’t know if you are religious, but personally – having God as our foundation helps. Aside from that, date. Find time to do things with your spouse without the kiddos. Learn to pick and choose your battles.
For example, my husband leaves his socks inside out and all over the house inside his shoes… do I nag about it to him or just pick them up and toss them in his closet… Also, designate tasks to each other.
We swap putting our kids to sleep. One night it’s him, the next is me. Another thing that helps is letting him enjoy a hobby. Once the kids are sleeping, he wants to play Call of Duty. I gladly let him because then I get my time to myself reading a book or watching some TV.
One more thing, make sure he respects you. Being a SAHM is not a walk in the park, let him know your job is just as important and consuming as a regular 8-5p job.
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Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Arnette
The best stay-at-home mom marriage advice I can give you is to have a relationship with God. That is key in our marriage.
One other huge one is, don’t be afraid to be the first one to put in the effort. It might feel unfair/unsatisfying at the time.. but sometimes that is the only way to get unstuck.
The partner will notice your change and see it isn’t conditional or temporary and they will want to love better in return. my pastor all the time says if you don’t believe in God then I cannot tell you how to be married.
God is in the center. He also teaches marriage as a covenant, not a contract… contracts are like with Sprint… you give something and get something back. Covenants you give even when the other is not and don’t hold wrongs.
Remember this prayer “Lord, let me love him like You do because right now I do not.” That one is one of the most needed prayers in marriage”.
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Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Alice
We have been together 16 years married for 10 years. Here is my SAHM marriage advice. Communication is the key to happiness. My husband works, but he understands he still has duties at home as well. Neither of us expects our home to be spotless.
There are times I get no housework done and he understands. I make sure his belly gets full and he has his favorite snacks and his work clothes are clean.
Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Charlie
I have been married for 19 years, and here are my words of wisdom. First, remember that marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship, by either party. Respect is a 2-way street. Never EVER speak to your spouse worse than you would speak to a stranger.
Be willing to love each other enough to forgive and move on. Never throw past issues back up. Deal with it and move on. Remember your partner is human and cannot read your mind (most men don’t “get” hints), so say what you want when you want it.
Marriage is NOT 50/50. Anyone who thinks it is, will not have a marriage that lasts. You must be prepared to give 100%, as should your partner. There will be days when you give 10, but if he’s giving 90, you’ve still got it, and vice versa.
Appreciate your partner the way YOU want to be appreciated. Never take each other for granted. Recognize the sacrifices made on both sides to make it work. Always have each other’s back and NEVER speak ill of your partner to anyone, especially your parents/family. They will never forget what you said.
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Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Cassie
Every couple of months I go away on a long weekend vacation and leave him with the kids at home. He thinks he’s giving me a break and I’ve convinced him that this is necessary for him to bond and build private relationships with the kids.
Really he’s learning what it’s like to be me. He appreciates me more and I get a much-needed break.
If you’re not working it’s important to validate your spouse for providing and making that a priority just like you want to be validated for all you do.
Make time for each other. Put your marriage before your kids. This is extremely hard but kids need to grow up knowing the world doesn’t revolve around them. It revolves around the family. The core of the family is the two of you.
Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Eli
You probably hear it all the time but: open and honest communication. Sounds so simple but it’s really not sometimes. It cuts out SO MUCH of the guesswork.
We all know how fast our brains can spiral when we are jumping to our own conclusions instead of getting the REAL story from our spouse. Even when it’s hard or we think it might be embarrassing, be honest and communicate. That’s how you grow together.
Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Abbie
The best SAHM marriage advice I can give you is to set expectations. For example, you could say things like “My hope is that because I made dinner and kept the kids busy all day, you will be able to wash the dishes and help me put them down”.
It’s awkward at first but helpful.
Tell him “It makes me feel so great when you do___” (whatever thing he does to make you feel helped or loved).
Find intimate, nonsexual, things to do together like playing cards or watching a new series together. Anything that gives you something that isn’t about your kids to talk about.
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Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Lori
If you are drowning in housework, you need to communicate that to your spouse. I did that once by writing him a letter because I’m not big on speaking my needs.
He listened, and we came up with a plan for how he could help. When I put in a load of laundry, he would take it out when he got home. If I do the dishes, he would put them away, and vice versa. We started with little things. And they turned into big things.
The five love languages are huge!!!!! When you each find out what drives the other person, you will unlock so many different things that make life amazing together.
And never stop flirting with each other!! I embarrass the kids all the time when I say “isn’t your dad so cute” And we kiss in front of them. They know there is love there. Not just in our bedroom.
SAHM marriage advice from Lea
One piece of advice I can give you as a stay-at-home mom is to never have expectations if you’re not going to tell your spouse how you feel.
For example: if you agreed before that he will work, and you stay home to take care of the house/kids, then don’t get mad when he doesn’t come home and immediately does the laundry, dishes, and other chores.
If you feel he should contribute to chores make it clear. Be clear about what you want. Jobs are easier done when you know right away what you’re supposed to do.
Make sure to do things together as a couple. No matter how tired you are or how much you want time to yourself, make time to do something together. Even just 1 episode of a show is better than nothing.
Make time for intimacy. Even if it’s the last thing you wanna do. It’s super important to stay connected and to make sure he feels connected to you as well. Both sides need intimacy and to feel needed and wanted by their partner.
SAHM marriage advice from Shea
Here is my SAHM marriage advice. Prioritize communication. There’s a lot that feels like your partner should just “know” already. As baffling as it is, sometimes what’s obvious to you isn’t obvious to them. So expressing in detail what your needs are will be incredibly helpful to him.
SAHM marriage advice from Louisa
As much as I want to say your partner has to put in equal effort in taking care of kids, there is something more important, which is both of you need to put each other first, not the kids.
Mothers often put their kids first, then their husbands. They always come last on the list of priorities.
When a woman is not loving herself enough, she unconsciously is telling her partner that it’s okay to prioritize her last. An imbalance in marriage will not work.
SAHM marriage advice from Jolie
Open communication. When I am overwhelmed, stressed, or drowning, I tell him and he jumps in to help. If I’m touched out and just wanna lay in bed and look at my phone, I tell him.
What makes your marriage work is going to be custom to what is important to you and your significant other. What things mean a lot to you both?
For me, my husband jumping in to help when I need him means the world. Even when he’s worked 12 hrs in the sun I know if I said I really needed him for something he wouldn’t hesitate.
Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Ana
One important piece of advice I can give you as a stay-at-home mom is to work on yourself. Start reading motivational books, work out regularly, eat healthily, and absolutely make time for yourself to do the things you like without your kids.
Setting those healthy boundaries will make someone who’s on the outside looking in usually follow suit. And once that happens then you can start planning and rebuilding your foundation together.
Think back to when you two met. Both of you were independent and self-loving. What changed? Once you find the exact moment that led to everything else and how you feel now you can start the repairing process.
Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Cathy
Put each other first instead of putting the kids first. I’m not saying don’t take care of your kids, but they will benefit greatly when mom and dad “date” and communicate well.
Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Lisa
Like each other more than you love each other. That warm fuzzy feeling will come and go. It’s the friendship that perseveres. That’s where the bond and intimacy happen.
Men are simple. Feed him, have sex with him. Be his peace and bring him joy. Don’t nag! Constant nagging will drive him nuts.
Lots of things are not your “job” it’s what you do because of love. And by the way, our men don’t always “see” the things we do. It’s okay to gently tell him what you did today after he decompresses.
And if there is something you need, make sure you have his attention, and tell him when he’s fully present. Ask nicely. Our men will slay those dragons for us. They like to give us what we need because it fulfills them.
Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Ashley
I’ve learned a lot in 15 years. First, communication is so important- sometimes it is hard but learn together how to be clear in expressing your needs/wants/dreams.
Second, know that you are a team so, get on the same page about your roles in the partnership and how to ask for help. Third, be prepared for days or phases where you put in more than 50%. Balance is ideal but sometimes we go through hard times.
Fourth, Always make time for each other. Even sharing a few minutes together every day or keeping a date night will help. Try fun things and keep that fun exploration of the beginning stages.
At the end of the day, you guys just need to be clear about your goals and how to love/be loved. Work through baggage, get help during hard times, and be patient!
SAHM marriage advice from Amanda
Do things for yourself. When I put everyone before myself 100% of the time I start to create resentments. Over stupid things. Once I learned to take care of myself too and do things I enjoy not just what my family wants to do it helped.
Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Kalie
Go to therapy both as a couple and as individuals.
According to Healthline, individual therapy helps address issues from your past and present that causes stress. Therapy also helps reduce anxiety and depression.
Individual therapy can help you change your mindset on a situation, improve your self-esteem and teach you communication skills.
Couples therapy helps improve relationships but teaches you how to trust again. It also helps you resolve conflict and improve your communication skills. All in all, it will help you form a stronger bond with each other.
SAHM marriage advice from Annie
I would say our number one is remembering that we are in the same team. It’s hard to maintain the ‘us against the world’ mentality, but that has helped tremendously. If one person feels like they’ve ‘won’ a fight, then the relationship has lost.
Everyone should feel heard. We’ve certainly had our issues and have struggled with having fun together since the kids have come along. We’re making an effort to enjoy each other.
I think it also helps to remember that this period of our lives, having young children, is one of the most challenging seasons.
Stay-at-home mom marriage advice from Jenna
Remember that you both are imperfect persons that have faults. Learning to say “I’m sorry” when you screw up or how to confront without it turning into a fight are both important.
When I feel like I’m not getting what I need from my husband, I don’t try to say statements like “You never help around here or you never do ___.” And instead, try to come up with specific ways he can help “Hun, can you help me with ___ tonight/this week/whenever?”
It’s also important to ask how you can help him.
Let’s sum up the advice given by these women here. Almost all of them said that remember that marriage is not 50/50. There’s a misconception in society that each person in marriage only has to do half the work.
The truth is, both people need to put in 100% every time. Sometimes it means you will go through seasons where you’re the one putting in 90% and your husband puts in 10%. Just remember that that season will pass eventually.
Another takeaway from their advice is to spend time together as a couple. You don’t always have to go on fancy dates, but make sure you have some time during the day you spend together without the kids.
Make time for intimacy. Sex is a huge part of a relationship. Make an effort to show your spouse you’re attracted to them, and they will do the same.