1. Being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) is one of the hardest profession out there.
I should know because I am a stay-at-home mom. There are a lot of misconceptions about us, and some of those misconceptions can come from our spouses sometimes.
Today I am here to set the record straight.
Throughout my life, I heard many comments about how stay-at-home moms are lazy. I’ve heard people say that all we do all day is sit on the couch and watch TV.
I’m ashamed to say that I was guilty of this too. When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband and I made the decision that I would stay at home to care for our son. I remember thinking that I would be so bored with nothing to do all day. Boy was I wrong.
Being a SAHM is not as uncommon as I thought it was. According to a new Gallop Poll “More than half of women, 56%, who have a child younger than 18 would prefer to stay home and care for their house and family”. And the Pew Research Center noted that Stay-at-home moms and dads account for about one-in-five U.S. parents.
I didn’t know just how tough the job would be until I became a SAHM myself. The change in responsibility was a huge adjustment for my husband and me. Thankfully, we were able to work it out.
In this article, I will outline some of the ways we solved this problem to get to a mutual understanding. I will also outline all the things that a spouse needs to know about the job of a stay-at-home mom.
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2. The Responsibilities Of Stay-at-Home Moms Never End.
Imagine that you have your dream job, but the catch is that you have to work 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. You don’t get a day off.
The only time you get to sleep is when your child sleeps. If your child decides to wake up at 3 am, it means you also wake up. Everything you do is on your child’s schedule.
That is the job of a stay-at-home mom.
The fact is, no one sees the work that we do, because we do it in isolation. And because of that, we don’t get the recognition that we deserve.
If you work in an office, your boss and coworker watch everything you do. You get the recognition as well as the pay you deserve for doing a good job. That is not the case for us stay-at-home parents.
At the beginning of our parenting journey, it was hard for my husband to understand this concept. He would often leave me a “honey-do list” on top of my other responsibilities.
Oftentimes, I couldn’t do it all. I’m a person who takes pride in my work no matter how small. Although my husband never asks me to, I always felt like I had to defend my reasoning for not being able to accomplish it all.
This habit was unsustainable for our relationship because it started to cause tension. I knew something had to change.
So, how did we resolve this conflict? Read on to find out.
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3. I Would Be A Millionaire If I Was Gettigng Paid For This
What helped was outlining my job description and the challenges I faced each day to him.
Here’s what I pointed out to him.
As a SAHM, I take care of the housework which includes; dishes, laundry, cleaning of all types, cooking, etc. I run errands outside the home with my kid in tow.
I don’t get much alone time during the day except when my child is taking a nap. I often wake up multiple times during the night (because my kid is still young).
This means that I do all the day’s errands with little to no sleep. I don’t remember the last time I got a full 8 hours of sleep.
I also act as a therapist and a teacher. If I were to get paid for all these things, I would probably be making about $10,000 a month.
But we don’t do this for money. We do it out of love for our children and family.
To top it off, I don’t get a lot of adult interactions because I’m with my kid all day long. The only possible people I can interact with are other stay-at-home moms, who are just as busy as I am.
This can lead to a lot of loneliness. The loneliness will eat you alive if you let it. This is not a job for someone who hates their own company.
How I Changed My Husband’s Thinking
Another thing I did that helped Shift my husband’s thinking was leaving our son in his father’s care on the weekends so that I could go away with my friends. He got to take on my responsibilities for a day, and truly see firsthand how hard I worked.
Upon my return, he would always say “Thank God, I don’t know how you do this all day. You’re truly strong”. I believe doing this helped him become more empathetic. Now he is the most understanding husband there is. He tells all the time that I’m the glue that holds the family together.
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4. A Stay-at-Home Mom’s Expection For The Working Dad
I’ve heard some women in my mommy group complain that their husbands don’t help them at home when they return from work. The question I hear often from these women is; how much help should I expect my husband to provide when he’s home? Should a stay-at-home mom do all the housework?
If you’re reading this, then you might have the same question.
Want to know what I think?
A husband shouldn’t “help” their wives. Helping implies that they are doing the SAHM a favor by doing things around the house.
When you get married, you agreed to share everything 50/50. This includes household chores and raising the children. Now, I understand that the man works hard to provide financially for the whole family, but let’s not forget that the mom works just as hard too.
If both parties respect each other’s work, then they should come together to decide how to equally share the load of parenting and housework.
When my husband comes home from work (after a 12hr shift), he still finds time to take care of some housework that I was unable to tackle during the day. If I didn’t have time to prep dinner, he’ll cook. No time to clean the dishes? He’ll clean them too.
Whatever he can do to take a load off me, he’ll do. That’s the job of a good spouse.
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5. Parenting Is A Two-Way Street
When a husband supports his wife at home, it teaches the children what the dynamic of a good relationship should look like.
A good husband should be physically and emotionally available to his wife and children, no matter how tough his workday was. His job is to teach self-love, manners, kindness, etc. This responsibility is on both parents regardless of how tired they are.
When one parent is uninvolved, the children will end up respecting the other parent more. They will see the involved parent as the primary authority in their lives.
To wrap things up, I encourage you to talk to your spouse if you feel like he does not appreciate you as a stay-at-home mom. Be honest with your feelings. Tell him what you need help with each day, and with time, he will come to do these things without you asking.
Working on balancing responsibilities equally can improve your sex life as well. To do this, you must communicate effectively with each other. Try explaining your love language to your spouse.
A love language describes how people show love and receive love. If he understands and uses your love language often, it may help you feel more appreciated. I hope that this article has helped put a stop to the misconceptions out there about us stay-at-home moms.
Do you agree with the statements I made in this article? Comment below and tell me what you think.
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